Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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