if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
