Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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