thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
