I am in a vortex of obligation.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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