I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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