please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
