was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
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as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
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My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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