dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
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It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
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I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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