Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
