I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Is Oprah even human
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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