omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
