Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
