i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
