if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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