i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
