they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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