I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
