Dude my mom stole all your condoms
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Are we still banned from the library?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
