getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
