sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize