I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
