We won't sleep together?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
pray to the hookup gods
Randomize
