i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
