I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
this beer tastes like vomit already
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize