is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
