He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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