your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
