Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
