I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
