Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
we're so committed to being not committed
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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