you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
