I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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