Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
