I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
