my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
