You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
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I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
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We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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