watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
