I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
