I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
