I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
