halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
How drunk are you?
Completed.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
