I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
They took my balls.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
