if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
