He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
