I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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