at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize