im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
