Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
