and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
