So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
