now i know why i became what i already was.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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