do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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