I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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