she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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