bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
