Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
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He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
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Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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