this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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