So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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