dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
