Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
