ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
