we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?