I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
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did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
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As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...