Texts From Last Night

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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.

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  (413): Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot. http://tfl.nu/sr3w
  Replies (19) Good night (9652) Bad night (1427)
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  (530): View more from California

  the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo

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  (530): the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo http://tfl.nu/dqpo
  Replies (25) Good night (10700) Bad night (1308)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water

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  (203): Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water http://tfl.nu/s84f
  Replies (24) Good night (6963) Bad night (1083)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets

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  (248): Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets http://tfl.nu/6e6g
  Replies (6) Good night (2904) Bad night (963)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.

  (917): View more from New York City

  me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.

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  (317): Sitting here wishing there were men in my life. (917): me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time. http://tfl.nu/mpan
  Replies (21) Good night (1579) Bad night (5471)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"

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  (847): I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies" http://tfl.nu/cpcz
  Replies (7) Good night (3123) Bad night (1169)
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  (916): View more from California

  Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.

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  (916): Need. Hospital. Physically am floating. http://tfl.nu/j2sm
  Replies (6) Good night (1215) Bad night (685)
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  (631): View more from New York

  he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan

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  (631): he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan http://tfl.nu/sol0
  Replies (19) Good night (2019) Bad night (953)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x

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  (+44): No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x http://tfl.nu/ydw7
  Replies (2) Good night (657) Bad night (511)
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  (310): View more from California

  I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.

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  (310): I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you. http://tfl.nu/hk53
  Replies (5) Good night (1168) Bad night (581)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys

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  (774): There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys http://tfl.nu/n2sm
  Replies (7) Good night (953) Bad night (398)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.

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  (240): The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off. (301): Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes. http://tfl.nu/qb2k
  Replies (3) Good night (1190) Bad night (396)
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  (718): View more from New York

  I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud

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  (718): I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud http://tfl.nu/ci86
  Replies (1) Good night (820) Bad night (339)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  What's your ideal size in a man?

  (765): View more from Indiana

  I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......

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  (317): What's your ideal size in a man? (765): I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow...... http://tfl.nu/zo79
  Replies (5) Good night (871) Bad night (489)
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  (212): View more from New York

  he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"

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  (212): he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh" http://tfl.nu/j6pc
  Replies (2) Good night (439) Bad night (334)

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