Texts From Last Night

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  (810): View more from Michigan

  we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.

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  (810): we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect. http://tfl.nu/l0ek
  Replies (58) Good night (9224) Bad night (711)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.

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  (773): When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change. http://tfl.nu/eo5m
  Replies (67) Good night (657) Bad night (5849)
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  (347): View more from New York

  we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this

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  (347): we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this http://tfl.nu/0jv4
  Replies (30) Good night (5233) Bad night (605)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.

  (917): View more from New York City

  Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.

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  (917): I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads. (917): Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful. http://tfl.nu/kyyh
  Replies (23) Good night (7399) Bad night (709)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  $22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.

  (1-973): View more from New Jersey

  math is fun

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  (973): $22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency. (1-973): math is fun http://tfl.nu/2txp
  Replies (31) Good night (5271) Bad night (859)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.

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  (757): I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it. http://tfl.nu/uqxt
  Replies (13) Good night (9673) Bad night (1806)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  That's yours. We cut you off.

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  (715): Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off? (651): That's yours. We cut you off. http://tfl.nu/7df9
  Replies (3) Good night (3923) Bad night (916)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.

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  (469): on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers. http://tfl.nu/kub0
  Replies (3) Good night (2196) Bad night (856)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.

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  (203): I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight. http://tfl.nu/nwmv
  Replies (6) Good night (1072) Bad night (1504)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.

  (416): View more from Toronto

  I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.

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  (647): Think I pulled my pelvic muscle. (416): I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle. http://tfl.nu/mzl9
  Replies (6) Good night (1997) Bad night (649)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during

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  (515): She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during http://tfl.nu/5f1x
  Replies (19) Good night (2681) Bad night (752)
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  (228): View more from Mississippi

  I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot

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  (228): I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot http://tfl.nu/chtf
  Replies (1) Good night (953) Bad night (819)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.

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  (775): Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob. http://tfl.nu/q4zv
  Replies (14) Good night (1475) Bad night (379)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  I thank god almighty everyday

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  (918): We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas (1-918): I thank god almighty everyday http://tfl.nu/mbi3
  Replies (18) Good night (1502) Bad night (517)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  How did work go after you told them you were in jail?

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Great they tried to bail me out.

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  (720): How did work go after you told them you were in jail? (402): Great they tried to bail me out. http://tfl.nu/vh27
  Replies (1) Good night (871) Bad night (202)

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