I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.