My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I think your dad took our porno
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on