So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Enjoy the penises
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
