If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus