We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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