2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
