Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
