Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
