she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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