i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
